HendrixDerosas

Homemade thrift-store book Nook covers.

Destined for greatness/failure

We all want to be admired in some way or another. Sub-thoughts and points regarding the topic jumbled in my mind; selfishness, self-glorification, motives for doing certain things, self-worth, just a lot of self — even in selflessness. Art and intelligence and eloquence and blog entries and work and possessions and missions trips and ministries and hearts and halves. And have-nots. Sorry, this is impossible to follow, foggy in my head, even worse on paper/keyboards/computer monitors, but I (kind of and don’t) understand. Just a little more observant, a little too judgemental lately.

I honestly don’t remember a non-cynical me.

Endless talks with Katrina lately consisting of just about every type of relational situation and this is me coming to grips with the fact that I might not be cut out for ANY such situation, even the superficial and unmeaningful ones. And I’ve always had this idea of myself in my mind: self-less and romantic and considerate and hopeful and chivalrous, and maybe I was once, or maybe it was just wishful thinking, or some kind of arrogance. Seems lately my only goal is to be less of a prick — and I’m failing at it.

What is this broken-ness anyway? It isn’t as if anything substantial or devestating has happened to me particularly. As of late though, mind has been blown over processing the ideals of friendships and love and the ending or struggles of both. And forgiveness. And maybe Katrina’s right and I’m just really empathetic.

And as much as I am cynical, or how I rant of loss of faith in people and love, and my own fears of being able to cope in certain situations, and this constant sense of discouragement — Do I have a genuine hope that that isn’t always the case? That there exists an unconditional love even in human relationships, with one another?

I really do.

And I’m scared that that’ll either make me indescribably happy in the end or shatter me completely.

We usually know what decisions we should make.

And most of us do whatever the opposite of that decision is because I think, in the moment, it makes us feel better even if in the end, it might not have been the right choice. There’s always this need to distract ourselves from whatever is worrying us, depressing us, hurting us, pissing us off.

Anyway, this is an apology to my lungs.

Your face. It’s so smooth.

Pretty great night last night filled with amazing performances and fun people. And it was really nice seeing Jen again. Really nice.

Tweet from Jeremy Passion:

@jeremypassion: Great spending time with @JRAquino @leejayabucayan @pleasedontkry @nessarica @hendrixderosas @therayson katrina @jasminLim @fukuburgerLA

Haha, I love how it just says “katrina” because she doesn’t have twitter hahaha. So glad Katrina came out though. It honestly wouldn’t have been as much fun without her.

2012 edition.

“It’s About Time” by Barcelona

"These days I just can’t seem to say what I mean. I just can’t. Every time I try to say something, it misses the point. Either that or I end up saying the opposite of what I mean. The more I try to get it right the more mixed up it gets. Sometimes I can’t even remember what I was trying to say in the first place. It’s like my body’s split in two and one of me is chasing the other me around a big pillar. We’re running circles around it. The other me has the right words, but I can never catch her."

Haruki Murakami, an excerpt from Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice

(Source: totallycoty)

Hummingbirds

Flap their wings weird.

I’m thinking… $30 well spent. Haha. LOSTie fo’ life, mofo.

lustconquerslove:

hendriiix:

lustconquerslove:

It was a happy day.  (Taken with instagram)

Shooting this beauty sometime next month if time/fate allows. Please fate, allow. Haha.

So sweeeeet! It will happen.

Fingers crossed. We’ll talk about it in more detail soon. :)

Shooting this beauty sometime next month if time/fate allows. Please fate, allow. Haha.

lustconquerslove:

It was a happy day.  (Taken with instagram)

So it’s kind of a reality now. http://www.hendrixderosas.com

Haha, Bic is cute sometimes. When she copies my instagram poses and captions. Haha. :)